Please email me (adubbers@gmail.com)  with one good reason why you want/deserve the address to my new blog.

Time Frame: For 1 week- min. 3 mins. per prompt per day.

Instructions: Choose 1 prompt and on a blank piece of paper respond. Revisit, rework, reread as much as desired. Be sure to keep all of your papers together in a safe place for your future.

• Respond to this song: 
• Fill your sheet with the following: I seem to be __________, but really I am ____________________. Fill in blanks  Ex: see “She can cook a mean turkey with gravy.”
• Divide your paper into 4′s, in each part write the first 4 words which describe your current mental/emotional state, respond to each one with words, short phrases, and pictures.
• Respond to the world “love,” but control your writing with your senses.
• List alliterations about what “peace” means to you at this very moment.
• Fill your paper with the following: Up with _________, down with______________.  Ex: Up with love, down with compromises.
• Write a crazy poem in the shape of your subject.
• Fill your paper with the following: The knock of _____(noun), rattles/calms/frightens my ________ (adj/verb_______(noun).   Ex: The knock of truth frightens my imagined fabrications.
• Respond to the photograph (or one of your own, but only one take in September of 2007):
• 
• Write the top 5 Best & Worst things (in details) about the place (physically, mentally, emotionally- or any combo) you currently occupy.
• Free write your thoughts on one of the following humans (using words, short phrases, and pictures- NO sentences):
• (Strisand, Burroughs, Carver, Wimer, Kahlo)
• Divide your paper in to 2 parts, label one “You fear” and the other “I fear,” making the “you” a person, place, or thing, possibly society, possibly a current fear- personify that shit.
• List every color of the rainbow (ROYGBV is enough) list emotions, thoughts, objects, people- any words you associate with them- full sentences and composed thoughts (pic 2-3 if you have to- I kept it primary).

I am/have been doing a few of these every day since being home and I have a pile of sheets to incorporate into my book…I can’t wait to show you.

Everyone has a secret oh can they keep it?

The in, the out of action, utterance, motion. The out, the in of release, damming, penetrating. Newton’sLaw…bumping dominos. Actions into thought into question into guilt into tightness into shame into secrecy into trust into release into ears into minds into processing into the rest of the damn dominos.

Here is my (LATE) Monday tribute to my #4 miss…the oh so lovable and helpful world of drugs. . .with an amazing Busey vid in the mix. I will be traveling to BKK this coming weekend so stay tuned for the chronicles of such madness that is sure to ensure. Also, yesterday (today in the good ol’ US of A) was/is the love of my life’s birthday (this Monday edition is also dedicated to him as I know he is a patron)- a call will be placed in T minus 3 minutes…biting my nails.

A great quote from the book I am reading right now: “There were , in his opinion, drugs that diminished ego and drugs that engorged ego, which is to say, revelatory drugs ans delusory drugs; and on a psychic level, at least, he favored awe over swagger.”- Tom Robbin: Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates

Chiang Awesome Miami: July 23- 26 Buddhist Lent.

Night 1. The long weekend began as most do: good friends, good food, a large drug purchase, and whiskey. After an amazing marg-filled meal AJ and I met the CMDL (Chiangmaidruglord)…we found ourselves in an odd situation: in the back of an alley with a drunk English man reaching in his pants….ordinarily I would be alarmed, but I was confident that my 6 foot 3 inch counter part had my back. After pulling out 4 bags he informed us that briefs are best for men in his line of work. We then proceed to our room where we began a joint circle and whiskey ring (2 very different things in the very same shape). According to our Chiang Miami tour guide Graham “Will Smith” Jones the spot was on the other side of town- near the University….So, we song tao-ed our way over. We walked into the bar, looked around, and saw that we were the only farangs out that night….we had officially landed ourselves in Thai-fucking-land partytimeexcellent zone. We debated leaving, but decided to get drinks and plant our white asses somewhere to get our drink ON. Afterall, the band was GREAT, playing an “Empire State of Mind” cover and as long as someone kept the whiskey coming we were set. All I can really say about the rest of the evening is that I lost a whole bag of weed (I wasn’t wearing my briefs), I drunk called the man of my dreams (while sitting in the middle of a car dealership), I almost lost everything (*a very special thank you to Emily for grabbing my cam and Kelley for grabbing my wallet- if only someone had grabbed the 41,314 drinks from my hand). After a tuk tuk (I think) home Graham, Rory, and I enjoyed a nice nightcap-joint. I was still reeling from the loss of the bag and it was the perfect glaze I needed on my drunk cinna-buns. At this point we were all in bed-I vaguely remember a knock- I sassily answered and was karma-ed back by falling flat on my bare ass in a giant puddle of water…Who spilled the fucking water is what I still want to know?! Chris followed me down to the floor- a bit of an acted-out fall, but it made me feel better nonetheless I was helped up and firmly planted my spinning self on a static surface….I then went on to a raspy-voiced ramble about my amazing phone call to the LOML, then (what I can only imagine as) a melodically harmonious drunken banter about JPM’s love for me, how gorgeous and blue-eyed our babies would be, and it all ended in a lovely and soul-caressing resignation of my hate for Chris. (*mentally noted and appreciated: Chris- I needed a hammock after that fall and you scooped me with your niceness (or maybe it was just the whiskey or action you got in the harem bed), and I was once again forced to be somewhat thankful you are my BFF-AEAE). He put me to bed and I had a great slumber- not usual for this girl after binge drinking.

<Day 1. AHHH! Shit. We began the day with a lovely breakfast at The Art Café- avocado omelet and a mango smoothie, don’t forget the side of extreme hangover, mild-moderate sadness about the loss of the weed (still), and cloudy regret of my phone call (thankfully I damaged controlled that shit and not only did he say it was the best phone call, but it kept him laughing all dayJ ). We then rallied in the rooms and prepared for WAAAAAAAAAAAAAR. I had previously planned my war outfit with AJ via the mobile- all black….black shorts and my black M119 long sleeved T (*special thank you to Kels and M119 for raining greatness all over the world). The time between preparing and actually warring was ridiculous so I will spear my readers the anguish- lets just say it was enough time for me to get some stretching in ass well as walk around outer space and collect all the skill needed to RUN those boys on the field. The first game was teams- of course it was like any other thing- those boys should be thankful there’s no Title 9 in Paintball/Thailand. I was picked with apprehension and disregarded in the strategy planning….the whistle blew and in a flash I had gotten every one on the opposing team out- BOOM (all I have to say about that). I rocked the paintball field the rest of the day before retiring my gun- the bullets were gone and the clouds were rolling in

Night 2. WELCOME THE “B” TEAM: This night brought many a great things- per usual CM. It found us an amazing Middle Eastern restaurant where we gorged ourselves on humus and goodness, it brought us an epic paper, rock, scissors battle at the Taipei Gate, more whiskey, more weed, and an X-rated photo shoot- just Graham, Dan, and the harem bed. We set off for the ring of bars previously mentioned in my last CM adventure- where I happened upon an elephant (if I haven’t recapped that experience sorry for the reference, it isn’t my most shinning of moments). As we swaggered (rolling 10 deep) Graham led the slow clap- I followed…clap- AJ followed……………..clap- the rest followed………….clap- the man in the restaurant followed………clap- the street vendor lady followed……clap. We had arrived and that whole street looooved it. The next few hours were just filled with drinking, a little flower-selling, money-laundering, cute-a-shit little baby slAnging and captivating through the ring of bars, and Graham’s honesty being showered all over my tender esteem. Graham, AJ, and I set out in search of the best drunk food we could find- a juicy burger. After I peed all over my chinos in an alley, guarded by the boys, we landed our bottoms on the yellow padded stools of Mike’s burger shack (or something like that) we stuffed our drunk faces with greasy Thai-style patties and chili cheese fries- I must mark this moment as the BIRTH of. . . . .THE B TEAM (though not fully developed and named until later). I must now set up the city of CM a bit…the area we stayed in is surrounded by a large mote, separated occasionally by a road, bridge, or giant market area with a gate (there is only one of those actually). As we walked back home we commented about what a great night it was, but Graham noted it was missing a certain something. . . .as he noted he began to disrobe…AJ and I speechless and confused (a very familiar feeling when you hang out with Lawrence Graham Jones- the King of Chiang Miami and Bewilderment). We then found ourselves at the mouth of one of the mote areas with Graham down to those Smart Wool briefs yelling and gesturing to a Thai woman who seemed to be alarmed and warning- “will I be arrested (wrists together)????” -repeat, repeat, repeat. Meanwhile, AJ and I- stunned and still having no idea what is actually happening watch Graham in amazement as he yells and after clearance jumps straight into a pool of Thai city water- not a poop, people….a mote that surrounds the city….The look on his face is sheer elation as he calls for AJ to join him, but warning to be careful as the bottom is covered with glass and the water is only about 4 feet deep. AJ seemed somewhat keen on the idea until Graham announced that as well as the fact that he cut himself, showing me his lacerations he asks “how worried do you think I should be about BLOOD BORN PATHOGENS??” -Are you shitting me?! Graham gathered himself and still in amazement we walked back to our Guesthouse (the above event CEMENTED THE B TEAM though still not realized nor named). We ended the night once again with a nightcap-joint and talk of blood born pathogens.

Day 2. Somehow Graham kept all of his things in our room on the 4^th floor, but slept in the room on the 2^nd floor….so, I awoke to Graham coming in to gather his things and set out in search of answers about blood born pathogens. AJ and I were sitting down to breakfast when Graham walks up, joins us, and informs us that he spoke with his father who prideful of Graham’s mote jump told him not to worry about blood born pathogens and that he was also vaccinated for any sort of nastiness he might have gotten from his bravery. While we waited for our food we were joined by some girls from our Orientation who happened to be spending some time in CM. They flooded us with questions about our plans and whereabouts for the rest of the time we were in the city…..looking around we sort of realized that not only were we the only 3 not members of a lovey couple, but we had no idea what we were doing, where we were going, when we were leaving, nor a time table, transportation, and agenda- we knew absolutely nothing. Graham wittily responded with something to the effect of “Babe, you’re looking at the B TEAM…we just follow everyone else.” Though we all chuckled lightly the truth was outrageous. I would tell you what exactly we did the rest of the day, but it isn’t very exciting and couldn’t compare to the night before or the night to come so I will skip over the details and note the highlights- we went to a Wat (temple), I bought a bell-hung it “love from the square”, and I threw up under a bridge because I was SO ridiculously car sick
Night 3. We were headed to the Sunday Walking Market, armed with Baht and my shopping itch we motored through thousands of people….AJ was in search of “prefect gifts”- those of you who have received gifts from me know I am actually really good at this…..he ended up with 7 bookmarks (he must not have heard my advice). I shopped like a champ, spending little money for the amount and quality of the things I got-though I did get separated from the boys at one point, phone-less and scared out of my mind- thankfully AJ is the tallest mofo ever and I spotted his head of lush hair after about a half hour of searching (half-heartidly as I was more focused on the rows and rows of crafty goods). The B Team motored through the market, finding an amazing Wat (the most gorgeous structure I have laid my eyes on- unfortunately my role as lead girl on the team failed me as not only was I phone-less, but camera-less…photos wouldn’t have done it justice anyway.) Soon, Graham announced that his cynicism was due to a hungry stomach- we picked the most busy spot to eat, ordered, and while the boys gobbled up their meals I was still waiting for my Phad Thai- looking at the clock we could see we would be cutting our movie time very close, and we still had pre-rolled joints to consume before we watched the most intoxicated-worthy movie of the summer: Inception (on my movie watching skill I give it a 3 bowl minimum). I finally received my Phad Thai- Graham told me I’m not the strongest eater so I’d better eat it on the run…We grabbed a tuk tuk, seeing that traffic was horrible and we had a date with stoned and a movie. We landed in the most pimped out tuk tuk in Thailand- Exhibit did a number on this thing: LCD screen for Karaoke, speaker, disco lights, a system, and a “Fun Meter”- later we were informed that it really was the fun meter–TURBO. The driver was very excited about us being in his pimped out ride- he was looking to make a pretty penny off of our farang asses. As I cracked into my Phad Thai he was in search of the perfect mood-music (everyone knows how vital this is to any situation). He popped in a CD- off we go…didn’t work….pulled over…popped in another CD- off we go…didn’t work…pulled over…popped in another CD-off we go…didn’t work…pulled over…the next CD worked only to reveal the BEST possible outcome- “Rude Boy” among other amazing shitty American rap songs, nearly dying on at least 7 occasions, taking hair-pin turns and weaving in and out of traffic at alarming rates of speed. The B Team was on Fiiiiiirrre! We decided to head back to our Guesthouse and smoke there…with little time we picked an area in the neighborhood and each lit one up. All was fine and well until Graham started to BUG out….he insisted we walk away from out perfectly fine spot, as we approached a new area a dog started barking, worried he turned us around and headed back to our previous location…we each took a few more hits before Graham lost it at the sight of someone walking towards us- paranoid he mumbled “drop em’ and walk away…” Upon seeing that it was only another girl staying at our Guesthouse whom we were going to meet for the movie we picked up our discarded contraband and headed back to our insane tuk tuk driver. At this point the 3 of us were far gone and we had picked up a rando who clearly wasn’t in tune with the B Team’s game…Graham volunteered to sit up front with the drive and the rest of us piled in the back- I must mention that Graham is not only the above noted King, but also the funniest person to be around when under the influence of any narcotic. Our tuk tuk driver was clearly glad to be rid of our inconvenient asses after Graham accidentally hit a botton on the pimped out tuk tuk- so we parted ways from our now richer driver and headed for the theater. After a few fiascos, including AJ losing our tickets for a minute, but then finding them in a crumpled ball, the sad realizing that the snack counter was closed- serving only water, and Graham’s bathroom hunt (to the furthest bathroom in the whole mall- while there were at least 2 very close by) we settled in our seats. INCEPTION- see it (remember 3 bowls). The night ended with a rooftop smoke sesh with the B Team and the much appreciated and awaited addition of a little asian nugget I call Chris.

*At this point the blog is boring I know, but for those still reading I only have a bit more.

Day 3. We had plans of finding a lake/waterfall/something- not exactly sure (B Team). We rented motor bikes and set out. . .We motor biked for hours exploring the hills of Chiangmai…Chris snapped a very candid shot of the team (note our expressions- in the best possible smoke spot with nothing to smoke.). After our long afternoon scooting around town we headed in to the city for Thai massages- Oh boy! On the way home I crashed my motor bike and was nearly decapitated by on coming traffic- I only received a small abrasion, but a large blow to my confidence, and a slap in the face by embarrassment.

Night 4- We had a low key night, enjoying an AMAZING Italian dinner, Iberry ice cream, and a rooftop par-tay.

Day 4. Our wonderful weekend ended with Amazing Sandwich (true to it’s name), a mall trip, and a tennis shoe purchase J . We said good bye to our friends and headed back to Fang full of love, good food, whiskey reminisce, and a bag o shwag….satisfaction.

Mon·day [muhn-dey, -dee]- A gigantic slap in the fucking face.

After an epic long weekend in Koh Chaung and Bkk the reality of Monday does not settle well….details of my travels coming soon(as soon as I get my self together.. ..).

Teach you, guide you, assist you, cultivate you, love you, build you…of course there are exceptions and replacements for all of these verbs, but when you look around and realize there are people in your who have replaced those verbs with ones such as hurt, insult, disrespect, and break, what are you to do? It has been a habit of mine to save- rather to believe in an individual…hope that one day the situation or the relationship might turn out in my favor. With a little elbow grease and love, right? Wrong. At some point this elbow grease coagulated, evaporated, rained, spit, and showered tears and sadness all over me. I have for years put people at a high priority- higher than others (maybe prioritizing people is my first mistake). I have put some who continually hurt and disrespect me before others who have always loved me, never given up on me, and genuinely want me (and all my flaws) in their life. I have trusted people who should not be trusted- I have told secrets and feelings to some who do not grasp the concept of importance nor trust. I have over extended myself, my feelings, and my friendship to people who do not care, do not respect, and obviously do not love me enough to do the same. To wake up (literally and symbolically) and realize that you are have surrounded yourself with shit people is a difficult alarm to snooze (somehow I have managed to press that button for too many years). To look on my wall o’ pictures, so carefully arranged and sculpted as a reminder of my “loved” ones, and realize that nearly half of the people represented are not who I thought they were and nor is their friendship what I thought it was. I fully accept that I have not always been the most honorable or prized of friends- I have done things, said things, and promised things I should not have. It is as if there is a scale – a measure of…. Authenticity. To be genuine is to be quality (a concept I will not get into for it is indefinable *read “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”-PLEASE). I will state that although I have done and said some regrettable things, my ability to be a genuine/quality friend has been far from altered. I would never say or do anything to anyone I call my “friend” or love out of malice intent….never. And, to have people in your life whom do not reciprocate this notion is an epic let down. I feel as if I have failed myself mostly, in hoping that these people would eventually realize the hurtful nature of their ways, but I now see that hoping, expecting, thinking another will change on account of your feelings or your love or your efforts is a grave mistake to make, for I am the only who repeatedly gets their toes stepped on. There are events in every ones’ lives which shake their existence, forcing them to open their eyes, and question their place, their decisions, and their surroundings. Whether a change in scenery, an internal shift, the pursuit of happiness, a bolt of realization, a dream, the love which envelops you- all of these things have recently seeped their way into my life, and I must note that these are far more important than the following: constantly being a joke to people whom you have called you friends for years, the mistrust of another, the slandering opinion of one who’s efforts have been dubious at best, the slight laps in creative movement, and the cultural oppositions which often smother my fire. So. To be fair to the statement on my previous post- Thank you, a very big Thank you to those who embody Quality and authenticity for “A person who sees Quality and feels it as he works is a person who cares. A person who cares about what he sees and does is a person who’s bound to have some characteristics of Quality.” -Pirsig pg. 275

My littlest cousin’s musical talent:)

Movie recommendation: Repo Men with Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker

Music recommendation: http://www.prettylightsmusic.com/#/downloads  the new EP is noteworthy- High School Art Class*****

Another note (to be expanded on) when one is far away from all they know, love, and feel they need, not only does that individual begin to see in a better light who they are and what that means in the world (not just your immediate space, but the whole space), but s/he also begins to see others in the same light. A very special thank you to all of you who read this, support, and unconditionally love me- I now know precisely who you are, and also whom does not fall under this category- if that is all I learn this year, it has been well worth it.

Monday…….forward I go..

I taught my lesson on the letters Kk-Qq (for the 3^rd time- per Pi Corn this is what I am to do)…I drew my little kite and a lovely little mouse (though they have been taught rat), did a fun little lesson, and sat down while they recorded pictures, phonetics, and words in their lined sa-muts (notebook). I was having myself a nice little seat when this little fucker with a change bag around his neck came up and wailed on me. I know that a 6 year old doesn’t pack much of a punch, so I ignored it, continuing on, staring the other nice little babies’ work. He did it again, and then again. I finally turned to him and asked him to “Please sit down.” He responded was I presumed he would…with a kick in my right leg. I seriously almost choked the little AH out with his Anime change purse. He continued to throw his little fists into my for the remainder of class, taking breaks only to chase another child- he did finish his notebook work though…that’s nice. There was little I could do- the kids were insinuating for my to hit him, but I just could not bring myself to do it…I soldiers on like the boxer Tyson Michael Dale trained me to be (thanks T).

I made it to the end of class and I was walking out through a sea of 6 years olds, grabbing my waist, clinging to my legs, and pulling me back- this is my usually routine when trying to leave a Prathom 1 class, but today they began to pull my clothes- and the little change purse mother fucker did the unthinkable…..As I tried to keep my cardigan on, my skirt on (though I have shorts on under- apparently I ride my bike too fast and all of Fang has had a sneak peak at Vickie’s Secret- oops), I didn’t have any hands to maintain my tank top…this little shit pulled my shirt down, exposing my whole chest to a group of Mathaom (Middle School-High School) kids passing through the lower hall…..GREAT! Luckily is was only about 30 6 year olds and 10 or so old kids- all laughed, and I covered myself and ran off quite embarrassed.

(I might have to hit that kid next week- I am warning you all…..I am not a bad person……you would understand if you saw the little shit- teeth rotting out of his head, shirt untucked, face dirtied with his afternoon sugar-filled snack, and the 7 Baht jingling safely in his roped change purse jingling- I don’t like him, and feel I have been pretty tolerant up to this point…)

For even more hilarity check out my Wednesday: http://thailand555.wordpress.com/2010/07/07/a-sucky-morning/

I would like to note my 2 newly found and favorite teaching tools:

• Gang signs- great help when giving hints during Hangman

• Lauryn Hill- The Miseducation is a great album to play while the babes work.